Power Rangers & Depersonalisation
I kept thinking today that nothing is real. All we do is see things and touch things and interpret them, but like, nothing is real. Everything is just a life kaleidoscope of our inputs. Our senses wrap things up in neat little parcels of reality, but none of that is real. I mean, yes, it's real in a sense. The concept of reality is a thing. Fine. But sometimes I feel like I'm not really me. Or like I'm one Power Ranger in one of those big combined Megazords they made together. Just watching stuff happen from the Megazord foot, or something.
I'm not sure if, in this context, I even want to be real. Maybe it's fine to be unreal instead. Maybe it's better. I don't know. All I know right now is that I kinda wish I was a Power Ranger.
the only love is between me and you, us two candles glowing in the dark with tick-tocking hearts and beeping and that noise a dog makes when it needs you. that's you and me and our universe shuddering and shifting because we're inside this ballroom of stars all alone and dancing and shivering. no one else is here or ever has been. everything else is some lie, a sliver, a thread, a crack trying to make it through time and light. but you can't crack a star or the light that echoes across space. you can't thread through a constellation. it's there or it's not. we're there. you're not. bye.
Hands up if you take off your trousers as soon as you get home and lie down in a post-trouser trance, blissful at the release of your legs. Yeah, me too. I was thinking about my trouser feelings and I realised, I kinda hate trousers. Don't get me wrong, sometimes they are necessary, and sometimes they are the right and perfect thing that I need, but most of the time, nah.
Most of the times when I'm not in the mood for a skirt, I put on some leggings. I generally find that they're much more flexible and comfortable than trousers, I generally find, but they have their own problems. The saggy knee thing is probably the worst.
What does growing up mean? We have big arbitrary lines for crossing over into ADULTHOOD but I've been an Official Adult for ages and I have felt like something of a different person every year since then. I have changed a lot but also not really changed at all. I am the same annoyed person with braces and skinny jeans and Noel Edmonds hair as I was at 14, but my hair is longer, I don't wear skinny jeans any more (they feel too restrictive), and I have free and slightly wonky teeth. But who am I? What is growing up, even? What?
I feel like there are fundamental things that define the big Growing Up, so puberty and growing out of your naivete and learning to love cheesy pop music (ok, I mean, that was a particular thing that happened to me when I transitioned from enjoying all the emo bands to enjoying straight up pop and r n b forever, thank u, yes I do kinda love Britney now).
What I'm trying to say here is that there are some big things that push you over the boulder into adulthood for the first time, but then once you're there, there are hundreds and thousands of smaller, slower things that will keep changing who you are a little bit forever. I mean some people don't seem to change at all. Actually, I think those who do change a lot kinda seem the same because they are fundamentally the same person, so there might be a lot of changes but they have always been and always will be THEM. You know? I don't know.
How To Plait Your Hair When You're Useless
Twisty plaits are an easy alternative, or these cool graduated hairbands style that makes your hair looks like a series of balls (nice). That actually reminds me of all the low poly models in PS1 games - definitely a look I'm into.