1. Destroy something.
Destruction is creation. Get into the artistic spirit by cutting magazines into strips, throwing a mug against the wall, or setting the planet ablaze.
2. Do a squiggle.
Just do one. It'll be great. Like this:
3. Curse the day you were born.
This is an important step which allow you to hone your torment for later use in the studio/bathroom/supermarket.
Cats are important. Don't ask me why. They just are. Cats keep many artistic secrets.
5. Draw a stick figure.
This is your friend, Elizabeth. She loves you and every weird thing you create. Treasure her.
Congratulations, you are now an artist. Your artist licence will be mailed to you post haste. Don't paint any politically devastating jokes on the sides of restaurants until you receive it. Good luck!