I have been thinking about adventures and time, and skies, and legacies. What does my life look like? What shape is it? I think if my life was a shape it would be a rhombus. I'm not going to explain that (Jaden Smith probably understands if he is reading).
I'm going to Paris next month. I've been there before, and it has a little magic to it. It's not the wine. Stop telling me it's the wine. It's walking by the river, sitting outside a nice cafe in a gentle breeze. It's being only the person you are in Paris, or something. It's definitely some kind of adventure, and it gets to be part of you.
I want to be that feeling as much as possible. I look at all the stuff I do, especially online, and I want to do my best all the time. I want to make more and think more and say more. I want to give everything I can give to anyone reading. I want to be present. I want my whole self to be here. I've also been thinking about how big a chunk of my life is dedicated to the internet - to the friendships and endless memes (I love dat boi so much, I really do, the best meme - apologies if you hate memes), as well as all the drawings and entries and videos and thoughts. It has been a centre for all of my curiosity and sarcasm and ideas. It has been a foundation to build my life on in so many ways.
Various online spaces have been so invaluable to me. They've been an outlet for everything and an opportunity for connection, education, and so many experiences. My life would look very different without these spaces - without my smart and creative YouTube friends, my video games jokers and artists on Twitter, and all the occasional pre-teens who ask me if I'm famous on Instagram. And to those kids, if you're reading, yes I am very famous and Shakira is my cousin and we're working on an album together right now.
I keep thinking about what I'd do if the internet suddenly disappeared, or if my blog was suddenly deleted in some kind of freak web accident. I think in the past it would have been devastating because it would be almost like losing a part of myself, but now I think that whilst I would be sad to lose it, I know I would be able to continue or to start again and say and do and make even better things. I know that I have the capacity to do all of it all over again but bigger and better. I feel like all of that energy and creativity and fun and adventure is all contained within me wherever I am and whatever I have.
I fantasise a bit about living somewhere secluded and away from the internet and many other things where I can lie in the meadow surrounded by flowers, where I can spend years doing experimental paintings and learning how to forage mushrooms, and then perhaps coming back with so many new memories to share like an old friend or estranged family member. Whatever happens, I hope it carries that little magical feeling with it.
Adventure is in all of my thoughts and hopes.