Chasing Chaos

I was thinking about LIFE (my favourite topic to obsessively think about all the time until I am gently sobbing into a tub of ice cream) and um, wow, that thing sure is hard to steer. It's so weird to me how my life is so up to the universe to control instead of up to me, in so many ways. I mean, okay, my choices and actions have repercussions, I get it, but you know that whole butterfly effect theory? A butterfly flaps its wings and that slight, small action can be a catalyst for a down-the-line tornado? That's life. Life is chaos. The butterflies are flapping me away from things, and towards things, and so on (can I blame a butterfly for that time I had a tooth chipped by a clumsy orthodontist? PROBABLY).

Here are some of the things I like to focus on in my life: my cuddly little lamb and messy journal.

I know this is a thing that we all have to deal with and let go of, but I suspect there will always be a part of me that wants to be 100% perfect, with a Golden Globe for just being me, and hair that never tangles or looks out of place in any way ever.

A cute drawing of me arguing with life (life is a bunny in this scenario).

I guess the way I deal with this "chaos angst" is to focus on stuff that I can do and be and embody right now as best I can. Like painting cute things and writing stream of consciousness ideas and thoughts and making some pasta. Those are all worthy endeavours. It's also so great and nice to learn things (how to say ride things in Norwegian, dinosaur trivia, how to make pesto) and push yourself to be a better person, a more knowledgeable person, or a person wearing a nicer outfit. Even if I kinda hate that I had to make mistakes and be my previous not-as-good self, it's a comfort to see improvement and to know that I can install all this new stuff in my brain.

Me hiding from life behind the lamb.

I just want to be THE BEST - but that's a road that never ends.

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