My Amazing, Perfect CV

As you may know, I am a very accomplished and successful person. Here is a list of all the important things I have done, so that you can remain in awe of my incredible skill and fortitude forever.

Lil Ashton's beautiful and amazing life accomplishments:

  • met a chicken once
  • captain of spaghetti consumption, 2008-2076
  • commended apple shiner
  • nominated for seven Duck Awards (awards given by ducks for categories such as 'Shiniest Down' and 'Most Respectful Seed Throwing')
  • visited two and a half planets (Venus and Shabubsbcscisljdosidhiuadhiuhasaksjow)
  • discovered a tiny moon orbiting Dwayne 'The Rock' Johnson, shaped like a toad
  • strong knowledge of Hall & Oates
  • has worked closely with many hot beverages
  • invented the toaster
  • adopted and raised twenty-seven dogs who went on to become The Pup Corps (an army division specialising in administering overpowering dog cuddles)
  • best pals with three popular deities
  • invented a full alphabet and language made up of cute frog pictures
  • named 'Best Potato' 2004
  • executive cat tickler at Cat Tickle Ltd, 1996-1999
  • went outside one time

Thanks for reading my CV. I know you will be overwhelmed and in desperate need of a lie down now, so I have embedded technology into this blog post that will allow you to receive a complimentary pillow, because I'm so nice as well as high-achieving and perfect. Simply press your forehead against your screen for 45 minutes to trigger the pillow materialisation mechanism. Sleep well!


  1. I must admit to a bit of skepticism when I first pressed my forehead to the screen. But, lo and behold, sure enough a lovely pillow materialized for me right on time. In fact, it actually only took about 42 minutes. Thank you so much.

    1. Love you and your creativity. You remind me of Grace Coddington. Keep it up!

  2. This is an awesome post. I love it.


Thank you so much for your comments, especially if they include limericks about skeletons.