Hi. I'm a female human in the world. I may or may not know what a lip liner is. I may or may not have explained what a lip liner is to a man recently (the clue is in the name but I guess when you're just not familiar with something you might need some clarification). I don't usually wear make-up but when I do people close to me feel uncomfortable. I get told I look weird, and like a different person. That's not why I want to quit make-up. It's upsetting, sure, but it gives me a strange sort of apathy. I think I just look like me with make-up on. I don't think it's all that odd or shocking or weird, but I get where those sentiments come from. I get that if you're used to seeing someone's bare face, the sudden addition of make-up can make you feel uneasy. And hey, maybe make-up in general makes you uneasy. That's okay. I'm very familiar with unease.
I change my mind with make-up a lot. It's hard to commit to make-up, or the same make-up, for a whole day. Things happen in the course of a day. I sweat and breathe and become angered at the price of a Freddo. These things impact my face and the stuff on it. At some point after putting on make-up I often feel dirty, because I technically am dirty, and it's not a nice feeling. And ultimately I am so largely not bothered by make-up that I think it's best for me to cut it out completely. No soft, light-coloured lipstick. Nothing.
I think I keep feeling the compulsion to use it because I want to be like other girls. I want to be part of the girl landscape. I want to know other girls and what they think and care about and do. I want to relate to other girls and share experiences. Make-up is such a big part of so many girls' lives and I guess I wanted to have make-up be a part of my life, maybe not for its own sake, but for the sake of it as a frame of reference for relating to other human beings. But make-up has never been a part of my life in the way that it has for so many others, and it really never will. So I'm gonna stop. I'm gonna throw my tiny collection of make-up away. Goodbye. I'm done. If it's not there I can't even think about using it. I guess I'll keep my BB cream for weird marks or spots, or when I feel and look particularly ill and tired. The rest can go. I'll just use a lip balm.
I also think I drink alcohol largely because of wanting to share experiences with other people, in this case via the culture of drinking which is so huge, culturally, for socialising and entertainment. Alcohol is everywhere, and what I love about having a drink is the silliness it allows. Being silly with other people. Carelessly chatting to strangers, acquaintances, friends. The jollity of it all. But I'm a perfectly jolly person without alcohol, and I won't get a headache or a case of the hiccups from a nice cup of Earl Grey. I think everyone who has ever drank has said "I'm never drinking again" at some point, and I feel awkward about saying it and wanting to do it because it's such a cliche and a joke, but I seriously don't want to drink. At all. Ever. I may love the sweet taste of Amaretto, and I may love clutching a glass of wine in my talons as I perch atop the cathedral spire, but I don't love drinking. I don't like consuming a substance with the express intent of fuzzing up my head. So I'm done. Or at least, I'll try my best to be done.
So that's it. No make-up and no booze. Sometimes it's good to try cutting things out completely, so I'm gonna try it and see how it goes. I'm not sure how confident I feel about it, but I think it's going to be good for me to be as strict as I can with this. Too many maybes create too many problems. I am excited about celebrating and respecting the purity of my bare appearance and the purity of my bare consciousness. I'm gonna do it. Wish me luck.