Sure, cats are all fuzzy and cute and adorable when they are entangled in a plastic bag or whatever, but there are many reasons to shun them. Here is a comprehensive list of compelling examples.
- They come into my house. They criticise my cooking.
- NO appreciation for Joy Division.
- The endless anguished howling until they smell a food.
- Claws. Everywhere. Pain.
- They refuse to discuss philosophy with me. Rude.
- No object permanence.
- No respect for personal space.
- They wilfully knock everything on the floor, like excuse me Mr Cuddlesworth, can you stop with this passive aggressive destruction of my possessions? Thanks.
- They will let the worst people stroke them.
- I'm pretty sure it's not a coincidence when a cat starts purring right after I fall over. I see you, cat. I see you.
- They undermine my authority. I said NOT to eat that Barbie doll leg, Sarah! Unbelievable.
- I am pretty sure they are snickering at my interpretive dance choreography and I don't need that lack of support and outright hostility in my life when I'm just trying to express myself.
- Unimpressed by my comedy routines.
- They like all the films I hate and hate all the films I like.
- A cat ate some of my sandwich ten years ago and I'm still bitter about it.
I hope I have made it extremely clear that cats must be stopped.