Here are some drawings from my phone. They are me and I am them. You know, I think some of the best blog posts are the ones that feel like I've scooped up a bit of myself and put it on the internet. Sorry if you had a bit of a weird visceral image there. I mean, blogging kinda fundamentally feels like I am putting a part of myself into each post, but some posts just feel more intrinsically like they are me. Like they are a genuine bowl of electronic impulses I plucked from my brain and placed here, like Dumbledore with his memory thingy (Google tells me what I'm thinking of is a Pensieve). I guess these drawings feel like little mind goblins. Scuttling around in there. Poking things. Juggling shapes. Telling me to listen to Rick Astley on repeat.
I'm not sure what I'm talking about, but I just feel like they represent me so well. Do you ever look at pictures of yourself and think that whilst they look like you, they don't really LOOK like you? Like they don't really convey you properly? It's a physical recording of you, but it's like looking at a version of you with no brain. Something is missing. I get that sometimes. I mean, I know pictures of me usually do look like me, but looking at myself from the outside is so different from looking at myself from the inside. It's like that thing about how people prefer mirror images of themselves because they're using to seeing themselves in the mirror, so unflipped images look off. These drawings, and other things I put here, sometimes feel like they are more me than pictures of me.
Now I'm gonna get all philosophical and talk about a cool and weird and large thing. We know that we are made up of our bodies and minds and thoughts and choices and experiences, etc. Our selves are made up of, most obviously, our physical bodies (including the brain, and thus - thoughts), but also our environment. Our culture and existence in a specific time and place shapes us. Our past shapes us. Our childhood acquisition of a large amount of Kinder Eggs shapes us. We know that, although we might not think about it too much. But also, it's interesting to think about how we define ourselves. Your 'self' could be defined to include every person you've heard of, or place you've been, or dog you've stroked. It's influenced by lots of things, so it makes some sense to say that it is, itself, constructed of an amalgamation of almost everything that exists. This is holistic philosophy and I love it a lot. We are part of everything and in a way you could say that everything is a part of us, also. Like that thing science folks love to say about how we're all made of stardust. It's true and very cool.
"The cosmos is also within us. We're made of star stuff. We are a way for the cosmos to know itself." - Carl Sagan
So I guess in a way when I draw dumb stuff on my phone (or when I draw in general) it's a way to create myself. I am making myself. Moulding myself. It feels so strongly me, in terms of my identity. Maybe even more me than the way I do awkward Chandler Bing smiling when I smile with my teeth (not always, but definitely sometimes - and I'm not criticising myself here because I kinda like it), or my particular brand of bad dancing, or even my love for Def Leppard.
I don't know, but anyway, here I am. Here are the drawings. Here I am. :-)
Apps used: Kids Doodle & Jot It Down!