Sometimes I imagine that I can eat words, slurp 'em up like a big mouthful of spaghetti. I can feel myself hungry for poems, fantasies, worlds, thoughts. It must be a common desire to read everything possible, to know everything possible. I remember being a little kid and wanting to read every book in the world. I wouldn't go that far these days, because some books I'm sure I'm better off without, but the thought still stands. Gotta eat all those books.
I'm so into YA fiction lately. I like the standard length of these kinds of books, and I like the whole dystopian fiction genre. It feels great to read whole books quickly, racing through them. They're so good. When I was in middle school I read all these books with yellow edges and banana motifs on the endpapers. They were called Banana Books, and I read them back to back. I must have read most of the ones they had at school. I don't remember the individual books, but I remember how much I needed to keep reading and reading. It was like a kind of hunger, and it still is. Deep inside me there is a dragon feeding off words. A demon chewing up letters and recycling them in a scary industrial complex that churns out sentences fast. I feel like a conveyor belt. I dunno man, it feels almost mechanical how much I need to read and write. Like in horror films when a ghost moves its arms so fast that they're a terrifying blur. That's me on my laptop talking about giving strawberries names, or being two years old and having a stupid memory, or staring at ripples in a puddle.
I'm some poltergeist of writing about stuff. It does feel almost like it controls me. I know I am literally possessed by my own brain because that's how bodies work and stuff, but so much of it is so automatic and compulsive that it's funny to actually give it some thought. Because despite how much I think about and analyse my own behaviour and thoughts in order to write about them, there is so much writing that feels almost without consciousness. Come to think of it, is sleepwriting a thing?