- Always be with a beautiful dog. People will be distracted from your failures by the beautiful dog. People will love you because of your beautiful dog.
- Wear dungarees every day. People will assume you must be really successful and cool if you are able to wear dungarees continuously. Business folks will be jealous of you because they are all secretly desperate to be wearing dungarees.
- Draw smiley faces on your knees so everyone knows you have happy knees.
- Draw trees on people's hands instead of keeping a business card. The only people this won't impress are people who hate trees.
- Change your name to something that sounds like a 1980s robot name. Something like Smartmaster 5000 or Mercury7.
- Entice the moon down from the sky with a delicious sandwich. The moon is a fan of avocado and sesame seeds. The moon also has lots of contacts.
- Always only use an orange pen so people think of you as "that person who is always using an orange pen". Then use your orange pen fame to catapult you towards your goals.
- Marry the bee prince.
- Stand on the top of a large hill. You will look very powerful up there.
- Share your ABBA fanfiction on LinkedIn. You will appear unique and daring to employers.
Please share any other tips you might have in the comments, and good luck!
P.S. The bee prince loves, above all else, Paramore. Just an extra hint so you have something to break the ice with.