Self Perception & Image
I try to fill my head with good stuff like footage of politicians awkwardly eating (not sure why that is so uplifting, but I'm glad about it), and things like fruits and nice socks. It's good to remember those things exist. But also I kinda want to be able to strip everything back from myself and like myself, so something about the positive ideas has to be sort of inside me like a core. A confidence core, if you will. Because liking yourself sometimes and recognising that you might have positive qualities is one thing, but it's entirely different to be able to take in your whole bare self and feel good about it. I don't think it's achievable ALL THE TIME because we tend to have various feelings and stresses and so on, which are of course valid. And whilst I find a lot of comfort in pushing positivity, my methods are not for everyone and mental health and self perception manifests differently in everyone. There's a place for negative feelings and it's normal and okay to have them. It's okay to hate yourself a bit, you know, you're not bad for that.
I've talked a lot about what scans do for me in little psychological and analytical ways. They let me see myself in a particular way, of course, they let me record myself - my physical changes and also my expression and movement. They carry with them ideas about how I am to myself as well. I feel like visual representations of myself allow me to organise myself/my identity in my mind, like these pictures let me physically sort myself into folders or something. I think it sorta takes me out of myself, from the deeply personal perception and relationship I have with myself from inside my body and mind, to a visual representation which helps me to see myself from an outside perspective, almost. Obviously I can't really separate myself from myself, but it's interesting and useful that taking pictures can help me to think about myself as if I am not myself. I can step away and think about myself as an indiscriminate person, kinda.
I'm just looking at these scans and feeling very calm in the midst of a not-so-calm day and it's just very suddenly different. The power of image and art and expression and visuals and whatever to change ideas and mood is just nice. Very helpful to me right now, which I guess is a big aspect of why I keep doing this. My creative documentation is tied up in how it makes me feel and think.